For many trailing spouses as well for many professionals who move overseas, both self-esteem and self-confidence rank high among the issues they struggle with. And although the two are not quite the same thing – self-esteem is about “who you are being” and self-confidence is about “what you are doing” – they follow each other closely. Not being able to accomplish what you’ve always done almost without an effort (self-confidence) – getting a job, managing a team, or taking care of your family – creates a whole series of questions that touch upon what you are worth (self-esteem). The former leads to latter, and the latter then in turn influences the former. What do you do to break this circle? How do you get back and maintain your self-confidence and with it your self-esteem when you are always on the move?

(1) Before you do anything, I suggest you discover what you know without ever being taught. Education and professional experience aside, what is it that you know about who you are in this world? How do you find ease about who you are and how do you begin to recognize and appreciate your natural (and often overlooked) gifts?

(2) Now I want to invite you to think of what you are confident about. You might be confident about not being able to learn a new language, you might be confident about no one needing your expertise, or you might be confident about your new boss being a complete micro-manager. You might actually be confident about having no self-confidence! You see where I am going? You are always confident about something. It’s choosing where you want to place the confidence you already posses that can make a difference.

(3) Another good way to increase self-esteem and self-confidence is by eliminating tolerations. Make a list of at least ten things that you are tolerating. It can include “small” things like clutter in the house and “big” things like a difficult boss. Once you have your list, look it over and choose one toleration that would be the easiest to eliminate. Start there. When you are done with that one, choose the next one. Getting rid of tolerations not only makes you feel better, but also shows you that you are capable of doing whatever you put your mind to.

(4) Scale down on commitments. Many of us have the tendency to overbook ourselves, to have so many tasks on our “to do” list that completing them becomes even more difficult than scaling Mount Everest without any training. Why set yourself up for disappointment? Why over-extend? Take a realistic look at where you may have over-committed and start practicing saying a few “NO’s”.

(5) And, finally, if none of the above work in increasing your self-confidence or self-esteem, ask yourself the following question: What do I get out of having low self-esteem or low self-confidence? What does it give me that I find difficult to let it go?